Wednesday, October 19, 2005
it's been a while since i've reallie put effort into blogging esp aft i couldn't get back to the place once known as HEAVEN deep down in my heart. A place where i made frens that are reallie worth my time. hmm. well.. u guys should know who u are. well... PROMOS are finally over. i did my best for it but seriously didn't expect myself to screw up so badly for my chem. hmm.. so much for my dream of taking up pharmacy. i better do it rite or else.. i keep telling myself these so as to pick myself up. hmm.. nevertheless i know i'm strong enough mentally to deal with
these kinda trivial matters. I SHALL PUT MY HEART AND SOUL INTO WADEVA THINGS whether if i'm going to aust anot. i guess ppl might think tt i'm escaping juz becos' i can't accept failure in mi life or sth.. but i'm sorry to disappoint u guys but it'll onli make me stronger cos i onli and miself to depend on in down under. i've been thinking for days if not weeks but still couldn't come to a decision. well.. i have to wait till sat till mi dad offically approved of me and is willing to fund me for studies over there. DEep down in me.. there's 2 angels. one telling me to stay on since i can be promoted(for sure!) and another telling me to go since it's a chance for me to be reallie independent. i will realli love to study there but i have lotssa "WAD IFS" calling out to me inside. it makes me so confused for days.
i know that having to deal with household chores and scoring at least a 95% is not easy. but i have this drive and determination in me telling me that if i go over i can make it for sure. as for here.. frankly.. i need much more cos...i'm not exactly in a environment that suits me. well.. imagine a place where one will have to stay for like more than half of their day and have to spend like 5 days in a week there.. listening to vulgarities spouting out from those "gentlemanly looking" guys.. OMG... it's totally atrocious and disgustin. but seriously.. who cares bout them hah! tht's jux them n it juz shows how uncouth and disgusting they are. well.. i'd like to emphasise that i'm not targetting at anione in this case. hmm.. i understand over time dat in our society these days, one should be adapted to suit changes in the environment.. i tell myself i can do it and YES! i can but wads becoming of me is simply not the real me... not the me when i'm at home.. not the me when i'm in AJ.. where all my BELOVEDS were(lolz)... in order to protect myself in the env i'm in to prevent miself frm getting hurt.. i've become more harsh in mi words when others hurt mi feelings.. hah! and these unfeeling despiscable ppl dun even know bout it. i'm sorry dat i called u guys pests deep down in mi heart but i'm sad for myself that y isit till now i STILL CAN"t cALL U GUYS PESTS OUT LOUD! i juz dun understand me now.. but one thing for sure.. i have split personality.. i'm sure many do...
of course.. i dun treat everyone over mi sch like this... well.. like cyn, eunice, jonny chua n jolene who are all mi beloved babies... haha!!! i reallie love u guys a lot. however i still can't find the real me in front of them... though i'm still chatty but not as chatty... hmm.. i can onli be the me when i'm with mi tennis frens like MEL.. perhaps she's frm Aj too..(i'm not being bias!).. well.. we juz click! not tt cyn n gang dun! in fact we veri much do!!!!!! haix..if i ever leave.. u guys r the onli ones that's holding me back!!!!! hmmm... i've put down aj... but the love for mi beloved like prissy n peeps are still so strong! i'm sad that those who managed to continue in aj failed to stay as close knit as to those in class 12.. it doesn't mean tt cos' i'm not arnd..along with stef n pris n u guys start breaking up! hai....
well..one thing for sure.. it contradicts mi theory of having class spirit in the first 3 mths when we(eddy, Hk, pris, me n stef) all wanna build up within a class thru the many class outings??? lolz.. one thing for sure.. i hate class outings now.. cos i'm not as chirpy... as happy.. so i'd rather not go??? steffy... we r both the same!hmmm... but nv the less i can't deny the fact that there r a couple of funny dudes here n there in mi life... hmm... well.. life goes on n it wun stop for me neither will it stop for anione in the world.. i juz ought to accept reality and move on!!!ppl thinks i'm anti-social hah! but i juz dun wanna social among u guys!!! lolz... it sucks alrite.. but who cares.. i still have the ones i love the ones i cherish in mi life...
