Monday, February 21, 2005
thank god the tests r over... how i wish i can juz study all the way w/o any sickening tests that stresses me out like cRAZy!!!!woo!! so many things happened... juz been too busy to talk or write bout it..hmmm..lately...mi bro got himself a new gf...quite chio actuallie. i didn''t want to care about his stuff but empress been nagging n nagging bout her. HECK him la.. let him do wadeva he wants so tt he can learn frm it.. i seriously detests it when she complains... complains... all day long repeating to me the same old story...once again i'm sandwiched between the 2...really does not want to get involved!!!
well wadeva...bad things never come singly...they keep on coming right at u,in the end u will be left to drown in ur own tears. and of course... these happened to me. well...smiley faces between frens has been replaced by a shun when we walk towards each other... what the hell??? i dunno y things r gettin so awkward over a stupid wrong msg. certainly.. things doesn't seem right. juz becos' one makes a mistake does not mean tt i'm tt kind who will condemn him or her forever...esp when he's mi best fren. (unless he's some jerk who dun even noe mi and trys to piss me off by insulting me...) okay wadeva... i suppose as things seem to progress....we weren't gonna be talking to each other ever again UNLESS he starts to think right...
in fact.. i'm no longer upset by tt incident if it's all and all a misunderstanding. wad reallie broke mi heart was wad he said before he put down the phone and it kept on ringing in mi head.."it's okay la... dun talk then dun talk la...i can dun talk to u forever also can..." at tt instance... i was like.. WHAT THE HELL??? how could a best fren say tt..?? if he's a sensitive person and wants ppl to be aware of how he feels... y can't he do the same for me?? if he reallie takes me as his best fren, then y does he always takes me for granted??? i'm reallie at mi wit's end. i have no idea juz wad i can do to change his view and perspective of things to just" TAKE IT EASY DUDE!!!". hmmm....if ur reading this... though he'll not since he dun like to read other ppl's blog, i hope he will not repeat wad he says ever again if he reallie mean wad he say in his smses...(if u wanna noe... they r in mi archive, yes i do save them...)
thru these...i noe tt friendship cannot be measured by the time u share with each other. hmm... u may know one person for a week but deep down inside(for mi case k...) i feel as though i know them for all mi life and reallie cannot bear to leave them. hmm...tt's another thing tt makes me real sad. mi best friend is gonna leave for another JC. most probably.. he says...i know i'm gonna miss him and wanna keep him but i can;t be so selfish. many say tt time will was h away all ur sorrows but will it for me??? i reallie do not wish to find out. mi worst fear is wad if this becomes one of the regrets of mi life?! i dunno y but it goes the same for everyone i guess... to me it's like something missing in mi life... think bout it..i'm already feeling so uncomfortable right now juz becos' he dare not talk to me(wad the ?? due to his pangs of guilt)...i'm realli scared.
today... in the afternoon during lunch... i saw THE sms again tt he sent mi last night. reallie at a loss of words....couldn't control mi emotions animore tt tears juz welled up in mi eyes... so many things r coming right at mi.. dun they always say when God closes up all the doors for u, He will definitely open up another window...when will i ever get out of the trapped rm???i guess i noe when will it happen but i cannot depend all on miself...if i do...it means giving up this friendship tt i treasure oh so dearly... THAT (walking out of it miself) will nv be mi option...i will wait.. wait for his hint... but will it ever occur like wad he says??since he might not be staying, we might not even be seeing each other for the next 2 weeks. i reallie dun wan it to end... neither do i want it to become half-dangling like this...well well.. HAIZ...=(
